Floored.

This morning, I got a call from a friend that I haven't talked to in about a year. We've been friends for a long time, in fact, he's one of my oldest friends. We met in college, through a mutual friend, and have been good buddies ever since. He's a good guy, and I count myself lucky to be friends with him. Don't get me wrong, we get in fights and get annoyed with each other sometimes - the usual good friend conflicts. I have a great picture of us with our other best friend at Alkai Beach in Seattle after our first year of college. We all look young and happy. It was a great day, I think we stopped by Spud's Fish N Chips that day, spent the day walking around the beach with nothing to do. I spent my summers in college up in Seattle, living at my Dad's house and working, generally at the Barnes and Noble in University Village. Later, a few years ago, I was one of three "best men" at his wedding. (Don't tell anyone, but he made chocolates for the wedding that were to-die-for good, and I stole a bunch to take home to Portland with me).

Anyway. I just found out that one of the big mysteries about his health got solved today - a benign tumor in his brain. He'll go under the scalpel within the month. I was floored. How can someone a year older than me...have such a terrible thing happen to him? I found myself, as I'm assuming anyone who gets this type of news does, remembering all the times I've spent hanging out with him, going to lunch, listening to him yammer on about food (he's a foodie and a beerie). I started crying. I'm worried and scared and I know he's feeling everything that I'm feeling so much worse, and that compounds my feelings - a never ending cycle.

This weekend, I'll drive up to Seattle and re-solidify my friendship with him. I feel like my efforts over the last year to talk to him and check in with him have been miniscule at best, and I'm feeling not only guilty, but also nostalgic for how we used to be friends, the three of us. Carefree, enjoying the Seattle summers, going to the beach or having a barbecue. Drinking heavily (that was always one of the mainstay activities with us...).

I can't wait to see him again.